new ways, new path . (:

sooo today wasn't much of a pleasant day
it was full of paranoia, examinations, and negativity
IM TIRED OF IT :

P A R A N O I A
i keep hearing noises theses days
am i crazy? cuz i feel like i am
but no one seems to give a crap
these are my responses so far

"stop watching the news"
"you're imagining things"
"there's nothing to be scared of"
"go to your auntie's house"

i dont think anyone's really hearing me
due to their own problems *sigh*
why do i even bother , i wonder
i feel like ppl wanna hear what they wanna hear
respond when they have an answer
or show care when they have the time

maybe , its my fault
i'm expecting reactions , im expecting something
maybe it's just too much , so now.
i'm not going to expect anything
i'm on my own , and i see that now
no1 and nobody can make choices for me
its all on me , and me only

E X A M I N A T I O N S

i went to the doctor todayy
i feel like im hiding who i am
my mom tells me not to tell anything
that's personal , is she ashamed? (of me)

she started to yell @ me
in the waiting room *sigh*
i feel like my life is full of secrets
and maybe no one will truly
understand , even if they think they do

i hate it when people exam me
from head to toe, (ANYONE)
i feel flawed , and ... idk
i hate being in someone's memory
i hate wondering .

N E G A T I V I T Y

i wish someone can tell me
things could be okay
but instead, they go on and on
about bad stuff about THEIR lives
i love happy things , i love things
that gives me hope that this world
isnt as screwed up as it seems
that maybe , i have the right to
be HAPPPY , but i cant seem to

i love how i believe in so much
but yet , i have no reason to
people have beliefs , but dontcha
hate it when ppl shoot them down?
ITS NOT THEIRS TO.


HAPPPINIESS

this year , im done trying to
fullfil expectations , im done
with trying to fit in
imma do what makes me happy
and if that makes ppl upset
along the way , then too bad
i deserve to be happy
and i deserve to be who i am
w/o having to wonder otherwise
i'm not the strongest (physical, mental)
but when it comes to finding a way,
im the master . (:

allie's tribune (:

Don't you ever wonder what life would be if you had only had
...one choice?
...one option?
...one chance?
AND you know it?

Isn't it weird how one person could be born with an easy life
but some are stuck with problems , and a hardhard life?

I'm not saying i am , but sometimes . thats how ppl learn how to
APPRECIATE .
i had a cousin , and he was born too early
and sadly, he couldn't make it
he was a miracle baby
im not being dramatic , he wasnt even suppose to be concieved
but magically, he was . and he was the cutest thing , i saw him.
but then POOF . one moment became one last memory .

SOOOO today , it was the first that felt like summer . that i remember of , i mean
i was in the car . and i thought "it finally feels like summer"
i went shopping around stoneridge then hacienda .
i got new shoes(: and some acessories .
i feel lucky tooday . i dont know why , but suddenly . i liked being in my shoes .
i liked being away , i liked not having to worry .

i cant believe school is in leess than 25 days
regrestation is coming up and i still needa get donations
+++ finish WHAP . i only got chapter 5 and 6 to finish up
then im done with eveerything . FINALLLY .
today such a great day . imma find a way to cool off . FAN?
haha . im out for now . update again tomarrow t o add stuff like
"___ of the day"

--alliegator(:

Monkey in the Middle (: hello.

WOW . my first post . this is quite exciting .
sooo . hopefully most of you people who read this
know me and no stackers will see this . X_X
<----- my brother brought me this big monkey
from a fair . and i pretty much adore it <3>
he named it NU-MU (new-moo) haha
mann . my summer let's see . this blog is going
to be about the latest .

TODAY (so farr)

soo i had to wake up super early to go to marin
because my mom wanted to go to buy some stuff and i ended up getting
a SUPER deal @ the mall . haha i got 3 tops for.... 7 dollars total?
i've pretty much given up on a&f . too expensive . cheap tops= less crap from mom
THANK GAWDD . but after we went to costco to pick up pictures that i've taken over
freshman year + my brother's graduation from UCSD . and then i went to eat @ this
restuarant by Ranch 99 . it was yummy . "dim sum && yum Cha" haha and now
im at home . yeaps about to go visit my baby cousin and then come back and get my butt
working on AP worldhistory chapt 4! . i finished chapter 3 last night . (:

This MONTH (about to come to an end)

so i finished my program @ UC Berkeley called PCA . mann i met so
many awesome people . it was hard saying goodbye . =( but on the last day
i was proud of myself cuz i didnt some "non-allie" stuff . but i feel more BOLD?
now. haha . my brother came back to visit and it was soo nice to hang out with him
again , it was as if we were still little and he and me would gang up on my mom
and make fun of her . it was the FIRST time lately that i laughed that hard with
ANYONE . heres the story:

so we went to eat @ a dim sum place near stoneridge and my mom has friends
who happen to work there
mom: imma go find my friend and use the restroom . *walks away*
me and my brother continue to eat and i turn around to see if my mom is coming
back . she's not . then SUDDENLY
brother: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHHAAH
me: WHAT?
brother: MOM just came back into the room and was laughing by herself by the tree
me: *burst into laughter*
mom sits down ; me and my brother laugh at her and tease her
PEOPLE STAREEEEEEE .
me and my brother : tears come from laughing haha
(continues off and on ffor the rest of the day)


Inspirational Songs (at the moment)
- Down - jay sean ft lil wayne
- Be With You - J.Reyes*Dalena

So that's the catch up for the day . i gotta run .
PET SOCIETY is calling my name

Goal : Finish Chapter four outline today
Word of the day : Stuffedy (:
Random phobia fact: Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks <--- atm , im scared of knowing how much time i let pass without starting homework *sigh*

Later -alliegator (: